After a loved one has passed away, grief doesn’t simply go away. Reminders frequently make the pain of loss worse. Here is support for coping and healing.
When a loved one passes away, you could experience sadness over that loss repeatedly – often years later. Grief may resurface on the anniversary of your loved one’s passing or other significant occasions throughout the year.
These emotions, also known as an anniversary reaction, aren’t always a hindrance to the grieving process. They demonstrate how much you value your loved one’s life.
Know what to anticipate and how to handle reminders of your loss to go forward with your healing.
There are reminders everywhere.
Some remembrances of your loved one could be unavoidable, such as going to the grave, remembering the date of their passing, celebrating holidays, or birthdays, or attending new activities you know they would have appreciated. Even commemorative events for other people can make you feel the agony of your loss.
Reminders may also be connected to sights, sounds, and fragrances; they may even come as a surprise. When you pass a restaurant that your partner enjoyed while driving or hear your child’s favorite music, you can find yourself unexpectedly overcome with emotions.
What to anticipate if grief recurs
Grief has an unpredictable trajectory. Reactions to anniversaries can linger for days at a time or, in more severe situations, much longer.
When you have an anniversary reaction, you could feel the same strong feelings and reactions you did the first time you lost a loved one, including:
- Anger
- Anxiety
- Crying fits
- Depression
- Exhaustion or a lack of energy
- Guilt
- Loneliness
- Pain
- Sadness
- Difficulty sleeping
Reactions to anniversaries can also bring back vivid memories of the emotions and circumstances surrounding the passing of a loved one. You might, for instance, recall precisely where you were and what you were doing when your loved one passed away.
Suggestions for managing reactivated grief
You could still experience melancholy even years after a loss when you come across memories of your loved one’s passing. Take action to deal with reminders of your loss as you continue your healing. For instance:
Prepare yourself: Reactions on anniversaries are typical. You can better understand your anniversary emotions if you are aware of their likelihood, and you may even be able to use them as opportunities for healing.
Create a diversion: If you know you’re going to feel lonely or reminded of your loved one’s passing, plan a get-together or a visit with friends or family during those times.
Think back on your connection: Instead of focusing on the loss, think about the positive aspects of your relationship and the time you spent together. Send your loved one a letter or a note with some of your favorite memories in it. This note can be updated at any moment.
Create a new custom: On their birthdays or special days, give to a charity in their honor, or plant a tree in their honor. Relate to others. Bring your friends, family, and especially those who had a special place in your loved one’s heart close to you. Find someone who can give you the confidence to discuss your loss. Keep in touch with your regular support networks, such as your spiritual advisors and social circles. Join a support group for bereavement.
Permit oneself to experience a variety of feelings: It’s acceptable to feel depressed and a sense of loss, but you should also give yourself permission to be joyful and happy. You could experience both laughter and tears while commemorating special occasions.
A word from the Doctor
Grief has no time limit, and emotions about anniversaries might send you into a tailspin. Even so, grief usually gets less intense over time.
Consult a grief counselor or other mental health provider if your grief gets worse instead of better over time. Grieving without resolving it could lead to depression, other mental health problems, and other health conditions.
When you seek professional help, however, you will be able to regain control over your life and regain your sense of direction.
Do you want to know more about grief and how to tackle it? If so, then Contact me right away!
