Fear of abandonment means the overwhelming worry that people that are close to you will leave you.
Anyone can develop this fear of abandonment. It can be deeply rooted in a traumatic experience from the past or a distressing relationship in adulthood.
If you have a fear of abandonment, it can be almost impossible to maintain healthy relationships. This paralyzing fear can lead you to wall yourself off to avoid getting hurt by the people you trust. Or you might be inadvertently sabotaging relationships on your own.
The first step in overcoming your fear to acknowledge why you feel this way and what triggers it. You may be capable of addressing your fears by your own or with therapy. But fear of abandonment may also be part of a personality disorder that needs some urgent medical treatment.
Continue reading to explore the causes and long-term effects of a fear of abandonment and when you should seek professional help.
What are Abandonment issues?
A fear of abandonment is a complex phenomenon that can stem from variety of developmental experiences, including trauma or loss. This fear has been researched from several perspectives.
Theories behind the reason why the fear of abandonment occurs include — interruptions in the normal development of specific cognitive and emotional capacities, challenges in past relationships, and other problematic social and life experiences.
Abandonment issues arise from a fear of loneliness, which can be a form of anxiety or a phobia. These conditions can affect your relationships and often stem from a childhood loss. Other factors that turn the loss into abandonment issues include environmental and medical factors, brain chemistry, and genetics.
Early childhood experiences are the largest contributor to developing abandonment issues when you become an adult. The traumatic events you’re likely to have experienced might include the loss of a parent by divorce or death or not getting enough physical or emotional care as a child.
How do we point out abandonment issues?
Millions of people struggle with fear of abandonment. Nearly 10% of people in the U.S have some kind of phobia or anxiety disorder. When it comes to relationships, the resulting behaviors from fear of abandonment are likely to include:
- Attach quickly and deeply—even to unavailable partners or relationships
- Fail to completely commit and have very few long-term relationships
- Move on quickly to make sure that you don’t get too attached
- Aim to please everyone
- Engage in unwanted intimacy to please the other (this is common in women)
- Stay in relationships no matter how unhealthy or toxic they are
- Struggle with being hard to please and being extremely nitpicky
- Having difficulty experiencing emotional intimacy
- Feeling insecure and unworthy of love
- Find it hard to trust people and open up to someone
- Are often jealous and develop hatred against everyone you meet
- Experience intensively constant feelings of separation anxiety
- Having feelings of general anxiety and depression
- Overthinking things and working hard to figure out hidden meanings
- Are extremely hypersensitive to criticism
- Contain repressed anger and control freak behavior
- Engaging in self-blame frequently
What are the long-term effects of abandonment issues?
Long-term effects of fear of abandonment are:
- Mood Swings
- Codependency
- Fear of Intimacy
- Anxiety Disorders
- Panic Disorders
- Depression
- Low Self-Esteem
- Trust Issues
- Anger Issues
- Complicated relationships with peers and romantic partners
How do we heal from Abandonment issues?
Once you recognize your fear of abandonment, there are a lot of things you can do to begin healing.
Cut yourself some slack and stop the harsh self-judgment and self-doubt. Remind yourself of all the positive qualities that make you a good partner.
Talk to your safe person about your fear of abandonment and how it came to be. But be mindful and have control over what you expect of others. Explain where you’re coming from and what you feel, but don’t make your fear of abandonment something for them to fix. Don’t expect more of them than what is reasonable.
Work on maintaining healthy friendships and building your support network. Strong mutual friendships can boost your self-worth and sense of belongingness.
If it comes to be unmanageable for you, consider speaking to a qualified therapist. Individual counseling may help you with it.
A word from the doctor—
Fear of abandonment can harm your relationships and living a normal life. But there are things you can do to manage those fears.
When fear of abandonment is part of a broader personality disorder, it can be successfully treated with a bit of care and lifestyle change.
And if you want to learn more about how to cope with your fear of abandonment, contact me right away!
